


Forget-me-nots bloom to remember

by WonderRie



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: AU, M/M, Romance, how do I even English, i guess it's hard, lots of talk and parallels, soft and a little bit sad but it's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 23:10:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11977032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderRie/pseuds/WonderRie
Summary: In which Alma brings flowers as a birthday gift and tells a legend about tragic lovers for Kanda to judge it strongly.





	Forget-me-nots bloom to remember

Today is that day. It's kind of weird to call it a _birth_ day (because no one can really tell the way their artificial bodies were made). But the day of waking up was stated in all of the documents. That's how they count years of their lives.

Today is the day of awakening. Today everything forgotten tries to wake up too. It rises from the bottom like the big bubbles try to reach the surface full of light.

_"Hey, do you know these flowers?"_

Kanda hears a gentle voice asking him from afar, and grates his teeth. It's happening again. Once again he hears the echo of his destroyed past life he has never wished to hear. Because there's no way that life can be restored or remembered - as there's no way to make broken cup whole again. You'll only make your hands bleed if you try to collect broken pieces.

Of course he knows. He knows these damn pink petals which follow him as his own personal curse. He knows these fragile buds; their delicate illusion destroys his mind faster than intoxication from Akuma does. He knows, and his temples hurt so much, that he wishes he could crush his head against the wall, while his heart beats so fast, so frightened of its own longings.

His heart wants to remember.

His heart wants to forget.

His hearts want to never know this feeling, but also begs him to take off and run away, searching for someone he does not remember. Not even name. Not even anything.

"Yuu?" Kanda hears a familiar voice and feels fingertips brushing his forehead softly. "Are you okay?"

The ringing inside of his head bursts as a bubble that has finally reached the surface. For a moment the world is full of blessed silence. Then, Kanda nods - he nods way too fast and sharp, but he has no other way to throw away all what is left from those shadows (they never stop haunting him forever).

"I'm fine", he adds, as his heart slows its pace as if it recognized the voice of its owner.

But Alma only sighs. He's not convinced at all.

"You have this _I've seen a ghost_ face again."

It's impossible to hide something from him. Kanda almost wants to start a senseless argument about it, but his friend's eyes brighten up with an enthusiastic light.

His eyes are as bright and clear as a blue sky.

"Okay, than, you'd better tell me whether you know these flowers or not!" He proclaims, and opens up a hefty tome (so that is the reason he brought it here?).

Don't let it be lotuses. Please, don't let it be these damned lotuses. That would be so weird, that he might even laugh about it. Kanda looks below and he is ready to feel a new splash of headache, he is ready to see another unasked de ja view.

But he sees no pink buds there (their color has already reminded a color of snow soaked with blood). Instead of them he sees the sky, shattered into small pieces. He sees the sky full of sunshine, scattered on pages in form of stamped flowers.

"They are so beautiful, right?" Alma asks happily, he is so proud of himself. He doesn’t' wait for Kanda to answer (they are both used to it) and keeps on talking. "I had a doubt that you might have seen them before, so it wouldn't be a surprise... But I wanted to show them to you anyway. You can think of it as of my present to you."

He leaves the book opened on his knees and shuffle his feet against a stone floor. This gesture asks for permission to stay without words. As if Alma still needs to ask about it...

So they just sit here without talking for some - Kanda doesn't know if it were seconds or centuries - time. Silence is necessary too sometimes - it helps to get all the messed thoughts in an order. Kanda finds Alma's hand without looking - his friend has that tendency to drum melodies with his fingers while being nervous. He has no problems with that noise though. He just suddenly feels the essential need to grasps these fingers for some reason.

They both have no idea what names has these feelings and wishes they have about each other. They don't know how to explain this need to stay together as close as possible. They only know the way people call this, but they are not even _people_ , are they? Do they even have a right to feel something?

That's why silence between them is always filled with words unsaid. Just as now.

"Do you know why these flowers are called forget-me-nots?" Alma can't be quiet for a long time as always, but Kanda doesn't mind it. But he thinks that the question is stupid.

"Why the hell flowers ask to be remembered?" he sniffs scornfully. The flowers will wither anyway, and no one will remember about it. There are too much of these flowers, which keep on hurting his eyes with forgotten (so dearest) blue.

Alma laughs, but there's something heavy about his laughter. He might be thinking about something they both don't love talking about.

Let it be forgotten. Let it sleep in the bottom as flower sleeps, rolling up its fragile petals. Let it never wake up as long as they both are alive. 

"They told me a legend", Alma notices as he puts his head on Kanda's shoulder.

(His bushy hair tickles a little and one of the barriers between them is inevitably broken)

"Once upon a time there lived a young man and a young girl, and they were madly in love with each other." Alma's voice sounds like a river's lazy hum, which sings all attention to sleep. "One day, before their wedding, they were walking along the Danube River, and the guy saw some blue flowers in the water. Of course he wanted to bring them to his beloved one."

"This shit has no happy ending," predicts Kanda grumpily, and Alma's giggle tickles his ear. It sounds like river's waves gently brushed the stones of its shore.

"You're interrupting me, Yuu! So. The young man grabbed the flowers, but the flood was too strong and pulled him away. But, with all those powers left in his body, he threw these flowers to the girl and screamed to her: Don't you forget about me."

Perhaps, he even tried to reach out for her with his hand. He was reaching out for her as long as he could see her. He wanted to remember her for all the time left.

_Do not forget about me._

_Please, do not forget me, because I will never forget you._

_Please, do not forget me, because I will never stop loving you._

Kanda blinks and sends this sudden delusion away. He looks around as he feels no one's head on his shoulder anymore.

"Isn't that romantic?" Alma watches him with a strange pleased smile. This smile is as bright as the sun. This brightness blinds Kanda's mind so much, that there's only one thought in his empty head.

"What a weird mess."

"I knew you'll say this" Alma's laughter is so loud that echoes from walls. Kanda hushes angrily.

"That guy is a freaking idiot. Who the Hell jumps into a river if he wants to get married?!"

"My-my, Yuu, calm down, it's just a legend!"

"And I am serious, if you ever want to jump into a river, you'd better tell me so I'll kill you myself!"

They stare at each other and a confused silence falls between them. Kanda almost hears his cheeks covering with redness. It's a warm sound of a heart beating fast.

"That a fucking idiot." Kanda says finally.

 But he has no idea whom he is talking about.

"Perhaps." Alma shrugs his shoulders. He looks down into the book, softly touching with his fingers gentle petals scattered between printed letters. "But she remembered him no matter what."

This legend is so _lame_.

They say nothing and only watch speechless shadows dancing on the floor. These shadows, disturbed by sun's rays, seem to look as if they do not belong to them anymore.

But _they_ wanted to be together for sure, so it's fine.

Maybe this day is marked as the day of the youngest Second Exorcist awakening because of it. Because of someone's desperate wish, which had never been fulfilled in past life.

Such thoughts make Kanda's head hurt and he makes a pained grimace. Alma closes the book (perhaps to keep this heavenly blue color between its pages) and gently pulls Kanda closer with his hand. He understands. Alma always does.

"These flowers are treated as a sign of a true love. That love wins over partings and even death."

Kanda nodes and lets his head rest on Alma's shoulder. He catches his hand between his own palms and squeezes it. It's a wordless do not stop talking gesture.

"Maybe these flowers bloom because they want to keep remembering."

Maybe they woke up too because they mustn't forget. Because someone needs two remember at least two (out of hundreds) ruined fates, trampled into the dirt with merciless feet of this endless war.

These lives were like small flowers under this endless sky.

Maybe it's a right thing for them to remember. These memories are paid by pain though. But memory always lasts longer if it hurts.

"I wanted to say something else..." Alma starts and interrupts himself. It's seen on his face - how hard it is for him to say a word. The fragile wall of uncertainty between them is so thin, but they still need to make a last step to break it. "Well, it's about..."

There's a real fear in Alma's voice. Kanda feels his hand shaking between his fingers.

"You won't have to," he says.

"Wait, what?" Oh fuck, not this tone! Kanda hears hidden tears Alma always tries so hard to choke in his throat, and it's more than he can take.

His head still hurts a little, but he sits up straight. And makes Alma turn to him to meet his face. He doesn't want to avert his eyes anymore.

"You won't have to remember me, because I'm not going to die."

I'm not going to die anymore, so you won't have to remember me all alone, he almost hears gentle whisper dancing between blurred silhouettes. He almost hears an echo, which disappears into the blue abyss of Alma's eyes.

Was that sky even that deep back when?

"And I'm not going to forget you." Kanda adds when he understand that Alma is still too shocked to answer (but keeps on staring at him with such face that it makes him annoyingly flustered). "Like the Hell I could forget though..."

It is impossible to forget the one who has been there with you for your whole life. It is impossible to forget the one who met you at the very beginning.

Kanda gets no answer, but he sees a smile. He remembers this smile. Whenever his memories are turned into a chaos, it is enough for him to know. It is enough for him to know his life has started from person smiling at him.

"You too. You won't have to remember me too." It sounds like a promise. Alma thinks to himself a little, and makes a small nod, getting himself close. "I might say the most selfish thing, but..."

Alma is so close, but there's nothing wrong about it. There's nothing wrong about his fingers gently cupping Kanda's face. It feels so right, and his lips are so warm when they leave a short delicate kiss.

 _Way too much short,_ Kanda notices to himself. But that's the only one thought he has in his mind. No rotten memories. No de ja view. All he thinks about is Alma's soft whisper, barely audible against Kanda's lips.

"I am the happiest, because you have woken up on that day, Yuu."

Kanda blinks, stunned by nameless feelings he'll never find words to describe. But he needs no words. It's enough for him to pull Alma closer, making their embrace complete.

All the love he gets from this warmth is worth waking up after all. The whole world (even full of darkness) will never give them an equal price for them having each other.   

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading it!  
> You know, I wrote it for Kanda's birthday (well, it's obvious) but it took the whole summer for me to find strength to put it into English. Man, I am so stupid. 
> 
> You know, I've always wanted to use these flowers and legend for some kind of story, so it waited for more than ten years until I've found the most perfect paring for it. Because forget-me-nots suit them so much?? It could be even something more tragic, but I have no mood to write tragedy for them (Hoshino did it better anyway, ha-ha). 
> 
> So, this ficlet is very-very soft, and I really love the way it turned out. And I hope you liked it too <3


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